Valentine’s Day: Aphrodisiacs

Valentine’s day is probably the only day of the year that you are expected to be passionate, but what if you’re just not really feeling it? Throughout history, people have continually suffered from the problem of “not really being in the mood”. Fortunately, there is an albeit alleged cure for that: aphrodisiacs.

In the name of science (sort of), I locked myself in a room and ate numerous aphrodisiacs to see which one made me feel the sexiest. Now you don’t have to, here are the steamy results:

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Chocolate

Everyone loves a bit of chocolate on valentine’s day, and I’m no different. Chocolate is said to release serotonin which can improve your mood. I do feel happy after eating it, but not particularly sexy. No harm done though so could be worth having a couple of Mars bars before a date.

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Chilli

Chillies are one of the world’s most popular aphrodisiacs, they are known to generate certain ‘sexy’ physiological responses (sweating, increased heart rate etc.) They did make me sweat, but it wasn’t very sexy. Unless you find swearing and downing a pint of milk sexy of course.

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Ginger

Held in high regard as an aphrodisiac for centuries all over the world. Apparently, the Chinese philosopher Confucius added ginger to every meal. Ginger does actually give me a bit of rush, but maybe it’s all this talk of Chinese philosophy that has got me in the mood…

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Figs

The forbidden fruit (sexy) and a handy source of fibre (not so sexy). Fig’s are tasty, but they are difficult to eat and make my hands sticky. Nothing kills romance like whipping out the wet wipes.

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Cinnamon

Cinnamon’s aphrodisiac qualities were being lauded as far back as the old testament. These qualities might exist but I think cinnamon sticks were a bad choice. A few minutes of sucking on them and I feel distinctly normal, and my mouth is a bit dry.

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Oysters

The most famous of all aphrodisiacs. When I think of oysters, I imagine me and my partner running down a beach at sunset with the wind in our hair. We pick oysters from rock pools and feed them to each other. It’s so romantic. Then I actually ate an oyster; it was probably one of the least sexy moments of my life. I did feel quite exhilarated afterwards though, the gnawing fear that I might have just contracted the norovirus really got my heart racing.

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So, my conclusions: after trying all these aphrodisiacs, I didn’t really feel that sexy, just a bit nauseous to be honest. Needless to say, my heart rate was still pretty normal and my erogenous zones remained unchanged. However, despite my rigorously scientific methodology, I’m not going to put my neck out and say that aphrodisiacs definitely don’t work. So why not give some, or all of the above, a go this valentine’s day. Surely in the right surroundings any food can be a bit sexy (apart from oysters, never oysters)

HAPPY VALENTINES!