“Anyone for a board game?” is a phrase that is heard a little too often over the festive period. But something has to be done to occupy all those hours spent with extended family. Frankly, board games are only fun when you’re winning. Is there any greater shame than being beaten by your 10-year-old nephew? It definitely hurts to lose, but it doesn’t hurt to bend the rules a little bit. Follow these tips to make sure you’ll never have to lose graciously again.
A game that has been causing unnecessary friction between families for decades, a set of Monopoly is bound to be brought down from the attic at some point. Being the banker in Monopoly is not the most sought after role, but you should always put yourself forward for the position. Perks include being able to pocket a few £100 notes when no one is looking, as well as secretly short changing your opponents. If you don’t get the job: rent strike! £450 for a hotel room on Whitechapel Road is daylight robbery, so show those greedy landlords who’s boss.
This one’s easy, all of the answers are printed upside down on the back of the question card. If you prepare well and set up an elaborate set of mirrors, then you’ll be able to get the question right every time. If you don’t have that many mirrors, spend the entire year memorising the answers to every question. Christmas victories are made in the summer.
The key to winning Scrabble is to play long (6 letters or more) words that sound real, but are made up e.g. ‘SCROTON’ and then earnestly claiming they’re real words. Even when someone goes for a dictionary do not let up. Suggest that the dictionary must be an old edition (let’s be honest, it probably is), and that you saw the word “used on countdown the other day…”
If you’re spending time with elderly relatives, never ever play cards. You’ll never beat them, they lived about 60 years of their life without the internet so they will be well versed in all card games. If cards are suggested by your grandparents, challenge them to a game of FIFA or a running race instead.
While other players carefully try to remove blocks from the tower, attempt to summon a sneeze or clear your throat very loudly – after all, it is flu season…
Follow these tips for certain glory this festive season. You might not be the most popular person in the house, but you’ll certainly be the most successful. If you do get found out, just the flip the table over and storm out. Merry Christmas and Happy Gaming!